Celebrating Spirit Birthdays
Every year we celebrate our daughter’s birthday – this year she would be turning 34. It’s her 10th birthday in spirit.
Numbers hit hard. Ten feels worse than nine, and the others start to become a blur. Big numbers bring back big memories - and they’re a reminder of how much time has passed.
On earth, her birthday was well loved - she declared the month of August as her time to celebrate.
Usually, I have a plan ready in advance. Not this year. I couldn’t pull it together. Nothing felt right. I was more angry than anything else, and that always brings more feelings of sadness, guilt, and disappointing her.
I spent some time in my studio - mostly journaling this time - and eventually decided I was going to do my best to let the day unfold and follow the clues, the winks, the signs.
Recently, another mom with a son in spirit shared a beautiful honoring tradition. She wrote messages on rose petals and released them into a lake. It’s a lot like a balloon release but so much safer for the environment. Writing on flower petals was new to me and I’m very grateful for that share.
What about you? What ways have you found to celebrate your special people in spirit?
Our goal was to spend the day doing things she would like. We started at a sunflower field. They had a Sesame Street–inspired maze - which should have been a clue - but we didn’t realize the sunflowers would only be 4’ high. We were way too tall for that maze. We took some photos and kept going. Laughing about it helped raise our mood.
Next, we headed to an outdoor lunch concert in downtown Hartford. Afterward, we stopped at Trader Joe’s for bold red-orange gladiolas and at Nothing Bundt Cakes for a Red Velvet Bundtlet — Ray Lewis’s (#52 Baltimore Ravens) favorite flavor. Then it was off to the Bristol Bazaar, an indoor makers space.
By the time we reached the bazaar, we asked for a sign. A really good one. One that we would know was from her. Our day was starting to feel guided, but a sign would seal the deal. Wandering around, we both almost stumbled over a full-size pink scooter that had been transformed into a display. Good one!
When she was first diagnosed with cancer, she had questions:
Was it bad?
Will I lose my hair?
Can I go back to school?
And… can I have a pink scooter?
Next stop - happy hour at Casadoro. Great food and a pink drink. Then a walk at Riverfront Recapture where we wrote our messages on flower petals, lit a candle for the bundt cake, and celebrated our girl. It was peaceful, beautiful, and perfect.
The night ended at an outdoor concert in Windsor Locks. The sun went down, and the band played Mustang Sally and Don’t Stop Believing - both songs that matter.
Birthday #34 was hard, but the day was good.
Over the past 10 years, we’ve celebrated in lots of different ways. Traditions we thought would continue after the first couple of years didn’t. Sometimes we have a great plan, sometimes we don’t.
💜 Sharon
